#the scene from jurassic world with the baby dinosaur petting zoo.... life could be a dream..

[bumblingest-bee]

jurassic park has a good philosophical message but unfortunately the only thing i ever take away from watching jurassic park is "god i wish i could go to jurassic park." like yeah it's a blatantly obvious don't create the torment nexus scenario, but this torment nexus has DINOSAURS.

[zekeyspaceylizard]

for the life of me i dont know how “people” in Hollywood seem to consistently fuck up an idea like jurassic park. its so absurd and fun and horrific at the basic foundations that one would think any numpty could slap together just about any idea based around "oh no! my facility is breaking down because im cheap/lazy and my zoo animals escaped!" and make it work.

i mean shit how many childrens books have that same premise?

yet here we are concocting stories that sound like an edgy deviantart moptop wrote them about how people in the near future are so bored of dinosaurs (an idiotic notion only someone who never leaves the house would come up with) that we decide to make a super-overpowered marysue mutant dinosaur and expect it to somehow drag back the crowds we lost (even though its still basically a dinosaur)

(and thus people bored of dinos would never invest any interest in it)

if i had the money i'd make a parody of jurassic world where, for no discernible reason, mankind gets really tired of animals and now finds them boring so people stop buying pets and all the zoos shut down because nobody wants to see animals from other countries. heavens no.

so the CEO of Animals decides 'damn animals just aint cuttin it no more. we need something hip and cool and edgy.'

so, logically, they produce a mutant giraffe

its the same as the other giraffes but its taller and has an angry scowl at all times and its super smart and can talk to the rhinos and parrots in their languages oh and also it can turn invisible oh and also it hates books cause books are for queers and it punched my dad because he made me go to church and didnt let me have dessert cause I got a failing grade on my algebra test. fuck you, dad!!!

and then the super giraffe whom i have dubbed Indominus Raffe simply steps over the fence of its enclosure with its super long legs and everyone goes

"how could this have happened? we built that fence almost 6 feet high!?!?!?"

and then it proceeds to unlock the other cages of the other animals so all the hippos and tortoises and porcupines and meerkats all get to run amock

theres a scene where a tortoise flies down and picks up a random lady even though he's like 1/4 her size and carries her away and then drops her into the ocean where a hefty snail eats her in zack-snyder-esque slow motion

in the end of the film they realize the giraffe is too hard to kill because nobody can aim a goddamn rifle

so they send down a nuke to blow it to pieces

as it dies the Ceo of Animals quips "hasta la vista camel-leopard"

the credits go up but during them it cuts to a scene where you see that before it died the giraffe laid a bunch of giraffe eggs

(you can tell they are giraffe because of the spots)

and one hatches open and a baby giraffe honks at you and then Universal logo cut print that'll be 10.99 would you like popcorn and a drink with your movie, sir